shit I'm hungry. will be finishing my father's day card soon. what to write, what to write? planning to save all the mushy stuff for his birthday so thats a big no-no... hmmm... oh maybe I'll quote every joke he's told us hahaha oh god. my dad and his jokes. his witty, tummy-tickling, tomato+politics+pigs related jokes. sometimes I get the joke, like OHMYGOD THATS LIKE, FUCKING FUNNY HAHAHA but my laugh don't do me justice. sometimes when I know whats coming up I have to force and fake-laugh and I know it makes him feel better but I feel bad. like I cheated or lied or something. like I just sucked it all in and threw it someplace far away just like that. but I don't mean to :(

anyway, it sucks that I didn't have the time (and forgot) to get him a gift. this week has been so hectic, every waking moment I felt the need to punish myself. instead of sleeping, you could've finished this, or that, or those!!! I hope the family could go out and enjoy a meal or two tomorrow and simply indulge in togetherness but I just remembered I told my dad to not even think of going out tomorrow because I want to sleep wtf. that was before I realised tomorrow was fathers day okay? oh how I wish to take it all back. stupid.

its bad enough that I owe a lot of people birthday presents. including my own sister. sigh, what a bitch right. AND BIRTHDAY POSTS EKHEM. why is sleep and food such a huge requirement in life when the only thing gained is few more pounds and less time to do EVERYTHING. and grogginess. when I wake up I just want to sleep more. and I do. and the cycle goes on. which results in me being totally lazy. sometimes suicidal. and then hunger pokes in. now thats a totally different story :p

oh... my dad still doesn't know a lot of stuff I've been hiding from him. I don't have the guts to tell him. because I know it'll break his heart, and he won't try to understand because he'll be too busy being mad at me. with every passing day it just gets harder, and I don't know how long can I keep this up. eventually he WILL forgive, and thats what saddens me most. because I know no matter how irresponsible I am or how much I fail to exceed to his expectations, to his eyes my flaws never meant shit. WHY LA YOU SO NICE AND FORGIVING AND LOVING. make it easier for meeeee arghghghgh.


I have so many jumpshots from penang, zoo negara, and mandarin oriental. I can't wait to share it with you guys!

brief updates (since plurk is no longer my best friend. hmph) :

- ESOL speaking test was MUCH better than expected. lady, there's no harm in applying lip balm when its all chaped like that.
- my art folio is a bloody nuisance!!!
- I passed chemistry!!! mr khoo was so pleased he was practically glowing :D
- heon sui kim is a guy. so is puan teoh. I KID YOU NOT
- best teacher's day celebration this year. suckiest class party ever.
- deanna's birthday celebration was the cutest :3
- went to Masjid India today. why la, must you all fake it to get few dollars a day :/
- I saw Akil or Akif or Azril in ampang point today! and my sister said something I'd never thought she would lmao.
- ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTED. IT WAS CRUCIAL.