2009 is by far the most dramatic year in my life.

even until now, its still spiralling through a new phase.

what I'm most proud of is how I finally got the guts to share my ultimate passion with my friends - performing arts. in this case, singing.

I got so caught up with fear I just shrugged the offers off with a simple

"no, they wouldn't understand"

after the incident in 2007, I swore to never ever let anybody interfere with my emotions. in short, I practiced to not feel anything. to be numb. to never care, to never ever feel vulnerable ever again. I threw away everything that involves loving and caring and I ended up being an emotional cripple. I was alone - I had no friends and I hated my family. I became a wallower. I shut close my connections completely with the outside world. I hated school - I thought it was useless and pointless and that led my results leaving down the drain.

I had a demandingly huge trust issue. I stopped believing in friends and that led to many heaty arguments. it was... terrible. many were left dumbfounded, what happened to that hyper, crazy, carefree woman who were always so cheerful? many were worried, but they have their own lives to worry about.

thinking back I always just, blamed my parents for everything. for making such stupid mistakes. for affecting me and my sisters so much. for ruining our family, and their own marriage. and all that on my 15th birthday? why?

but you know, running away led me nowhere.

love just found its way in. it just... it will always find its way in. no matter how long, no matter how far.

life and its surprises, huh? :)

those who know me well knows that 18 is my favourite number. 2009 was full of worth-remembering-18 dates, heck, even SPM started on the 18th of November. I'm gonna turn eighteen next year ooo!!! very very excited!!!

meh, you haters go fuck yourself :)

last moments at home before new year. am currently blasting Through The Trees because only I and Kakak are at home. I heart this song. had a hearty breakfast this morning, sisters are safe at Zana's place, and I am now off to bath for the fireworks later.

Happy 2010 everyone :)

I'm proud of who my parents are today. they are my joy, they are my strength. the past? well its the past.

cause I'm still here breathing now,
until I'm set free.
go quiet through the trees.

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