Perhaps it's the conversance of this subject, perhaps I'm just mentally deranged. but the minute I try to recall the keywords to each scientific term and I succeed, I drift away into space. My eyes stagnant at my green polka dot curtains and my heart heavy, so very heavy. I hate this feeling. No amount of detachment would work. I'm just not strong enough. I tell myself to buck up and focus on the #1 thing in my to-do list but some threats just can't be deterred. Honestly, if I didn't make that stupid pledge that I'd be a person with better tolerance towards the sad thing called life, I would've said

but no.

Instead, I apologized and stated that it was a joke. I just LOVE being playful at 3 o'clock in the morning. Your stupidity makes me want to kill myself. But what to do, my stupid egoistical self just wants to prove to LK that I can deal with such things for I will be the person who chooses to take in, swallow, and walk away. cause I can.

Sometimes I wish I'm back to that person with full freedom - I am in command, nothing held me back. Why did I sign up for this again?

Unattractive confidence, I spit at you for stealing yet another could-have-been-productive day away from me. You, stop being such a gaytard that only cares about emotions and feelings. to Time, spare me just a bit more please? I'll share my double-stuf oreo with you if you play nice. It's really good when taken with cold milk. Low-fat if you're on a diet! I can be very considerate. to Sleep, find someone else to taunt. I need to show dad that this isn't a subject easily excelled half-heartedly like he think it is.